How to Teach People How to Treat You

Member Feature: by Jennifer Botha of VA Connect


Often we hear how important it is that we teach people how to treat us, but do we know what it really means and how we actually achieve that?

It starts with self awareness so you begin with yourself.  You need to know what is acceptable and definitely unacceptable to you.

You have the choice of how you want to be treated

If you secretly don’t like the way a particular person constantly treats you, do you just keep quiet to avoid conflict while deep inside you are festering, or do you speak up and say how you really feel?  Once you have made it clear how you feel and you can come to a mutual agreement, it might take a bit of time for the other person to adjust, but if it’s really important to you and your relationship, stand firm, don’t back slide into the old resentful you otherwise you will not gain the respect and consideration from the other person.  Personally I’d want the person to be upfront with me because then they are being honest and I’d know exactly where I stood with them.


The Payoff

There is always a payoff.  Think of a bully. What does the bully get out of doing what he or she does to another person?  I’d say probably a feeling of power and control.  Whatever we want in life is not about the thing we want, but how it makes us feel and the same goes for how we want to be treated.  It’s how it makes us feel – respected, loved, admired or even feared.


Don’t Always Be A YES Man!

You have got to learn to say no too.  Many people take on far more than they should because they fear that if they said no, they wouldn’t be liked.  If you say no to something, your yes will be more valuable and people will appreciate you more instead of just taking you for granted.  Also, if you don’t give yourself rest, everyone else will think you don’t need it, so you will become overloaded and burnt out.


How you value yourself is how others will value you

Do you see yourself as valuable or a liability to your family, your friends, your community, at your place of work…?  If this is how you feel about yourself you will portray this to everyone, so it’s very likely that it will be how everyone will treat you.


It’s Time For a Self Check

Your attitude towards life tells others a lot about you, your energy, how you take care of yourself…  Stay true to yourself, but continue working towards a better you.


“You teach people how to TREAT you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce” – Tony Gaskins

For more on Jennifer and how VA Connect can assist you, please do visit our members page.